Skip to main content

Meet the Storm Chaser

The relationship I had before I got married obviously did not work out. We were a match in some ways. I wanted to be a triathlete and he was one. We were both horribly immature, sometimes we had similar humor. I thought he was really funny. We were also both horribly anxious and that might be all we had in common. By then I had a long standing relationship with Lexapro and a licensed therapist so my issues were under control-ish. He would show up at my door sometimes at ungodly hours and want to fall asleep next to me. I would never know why but I must have given him some measure of comfort, at least more sleep. We weren’t perfect and in many ways we were the perfect storm. I thought maybe our mutual issues with anxiety would ally us against it but it was the opposite. I want to stress that this was just the relationship part of us.

What might interest you was that he worked for a company that provided a service for the government. He was not a government employee but the government had cleared him to do their work.  He once told me that in order to obtain such clearance; his friends and family were interviewed.

So what are the chances an intelligent, neurotic, triathlete would date one our 11 million?  I don’t know. The same stupid luck that a woman at the DMV in New York would think the Philippines was a part of Puerto Rico after seeing my birth certificate.  Karma works in mysterious ways.

I had a driver’s license, I was undocumented and I was dating a guy with government clearance. I should note he was required to tell whomever he reported to about foreign nationals with whom he came in contact.

In my 20’s I only heard the word “undocumented” used by a man who would later become my attorney. My boyfriend and I had no fucking idea what I was. In our relationship drama, I was worried about losing him to his rowdy friends. Meanwhile, he was worried about me being deported. I wasn’t even worried about being deported! I just wanted a boyfriend who called me and made plans in advance. I hated the phone call at the end of the week to tell me he was out with his friends at a bar while I wondered when I would see him again.

We were a disaster in so many ways. A friend once said relationships never start and end cleanly. Even though I was already dating my now husband there were times I missed the Perfect Storm. While finishing up my master’s, I would tell myself in the parking lot outside of class that if he and I were meant to find each other again, we would. I told myself I needed to keep doing what I was doing. So I did.

I should note that I started my graduate program for the same reason why I started doing triathlons. It wasn’t some epic desire to better myself and be the model Dreamer. I did it to get over breakups. The whole improving myself and the quality of my life were secondary effects.

My story brings me to this picture. This was taken by Perfect Storm’s, best friend’s adopted sister. She is a photographer in Colorado.  This photograph was featured in a magazine. From what I understand, she waited for them to bloom and went out to take the photo despite inclement weather. I tried to pay her for it but she wouldn’t accept it. She was happy to be recognized. She gave it to me because we were connected, through him. Actually, my friendships that came out of that relationship are his wonderful sister and his best friend’s wife. None of us wanted to stop being friends although my relationship ended with Perfect Storm. He also never wanted me to stop being their friend.

Looking back, he was a normal guy, brilliant and vulnerable, that ended up with me, a hot mess in the legal sense. Despite what his employer asked of him, he never betrayed me. Despite how “we” played out, he loved me, maybe not as his girlfriend but as a human.   I was also not that pleasant actually. I was married to my job, I didn’t know squat about sports and I got downright mean when I was frustrated with him.  I definitely broke a few things in my apartment. After we broke up I returned everything he gave me. He said that hurt him a lot.

Despite our drama, he never put me in harm’s way given my undocumented status. He did what any other person would do given his un-involvement with immigration, the right thing. 


Popular posts from this blog

Ghost of Jose Rizal

The reclamation of my Filipino identity has naturally led me to Jose Rizal and his works. I have completed his two novels, Noli Me Tangere (Touch Me Not) and El Filibusterismo. The words Noli Me Tangere (Touch Me Not) comes from the Latin version of words spoken, according to John 20:17 (King James Version), by Jesus to Mary Magdalene when she recognized him after his resurrection. He said “Touch me not; for I am not yet ascended to my Father.” Historians have also noted that the title is a reference to cancer of the eyelids as Jose Rizal was also an ophthalmologist.

The novel opens with a letter of a patriot to his country. It is an awareness that something has gone wrong with the health of the nation. The patriot viewed it as a cancer and that in his writing, he would attempt to “lift the veil hiding your ills, and sacrifice everything to truth, even my own pride, since, as your son, I, too, suffer your defects and shortcomings.”
The main character, Crisóstomo Ibarra is much like its …

Book Review - Diary of a Reluctant Dreamer, Undocumented Vignettes from a Pre-American Life by Alberto Ledesma

Dr. Ledesma’s graphic novel was an easy read yet cut to the core of my pre American life. It was also timely. I recently removed “the undocumented American experience” from the title of my blog. The reason is that my work, running, family and writing selves were starting to merge in the online space. I changed the title so that this part of my life would be slightly obscured. After all these years, I am still afraid.
This book is a reminder that our stories about having lived an undocumented life need to be told.   I identified with the author’s undocumented beginnings, being told that they were going on vacation and never leaving.

Dr. Ledesma’s family legalized in 1986 with the passing of the Immigration Reform and Control Act. He then went on to get his undergraduate and graduate degrees. He worked with an organization within UC Berkeley that assisted immigrant students. The author wrote that not every student was ready to come out publicly. He recognized the pressure to confess wh…

Reaper 30K - Race Report

A few weekends ago I did the Reaper 30K at Salt Lick, KY. The course is part of Daniel Boone National Forrest. I signed up for this race last year not ready to make the leap from 25K to 50K. It was also really cheap. I liked the description of “part road and part trail”. I did all this before I decided to take on a marathon this past spring in hopes that I would have the mental stamina for a 50K. The 30K became part of my training plan for my upcoming 50K.
I decided to stay in Lexington with my sister in law at the last minute. When I went to bed I kept waking up thinking it was time to get up. When I finally fell asleep, my alarm went off. I was tired from getting ready to wake up. I meant to wake at 5am and got up at 5:50. I ate 2 hardboiled eggs and had an espresso. I made it out the. door at 6:30. The GPS said I would make it to the campground at 8:07am. As a runner, I prioritized a bowel movement at home rather than uncomfortable insides for the duration of the race.  I had to go…